BATMAN DARKEST KNIGHT
by Pseudonym Incognito Jr
Summary: My first story! Batman teams up with the lawman, Gordon to face down Joker and Associates. Will they defesat the clown pirince of crime? And what of Robin?


Author's Not: HEY EVERYONE! I shouldn't have uploaded Superman TAW first, this is the story I mentione before. BATMAN DARKEST KNIGHT was my first big fanfic, I posted it on /co/ on 4chan and people loved it. They said it was too long but w/e XD

So chronologicly this comes right before SUPERMAN TAW, if you read Chapter 2 of TAW, you'll know why.

I didn't seperate this in chapters because I had already written it anjd I didn't want to change the fornmat.

I had a buddy named Gene edit this one, I hope their aren't too many speeling mistakes.

Anyway, hope you enjoy.

BATMAN: THE DARKEST KNIGHT

BY Pseudonym Incognito Jr.

GOTHAM CITY IS ENGULFED IN A DARK…

MANY YEARS HAVE PASSED SINCE THE EVENTS OF THE DARK KNIGHT, MANY YEARS INDEED.

THE PEOPLE OF GOTHAM ARE IN A CONSTANT STATE OF FEAR, NO ONE IS THERE TO BE THEIR PROTECTOR, NO ONE IS THERE TO CARE FOR THEM…

INDEED…THESE ARE THE DARKEST DAYS

CRASH! A TRUCK SMASHES INTO THE FRONT A OF A STORE FRONT! TWO MEMBERS OF THE JOKER GANG RUN OUT WITH THEIR GUNS EXTEND OUT AT THE POOR BEWILDERED SHOP KEEPER. "HEY POPS! GIVE US ALL THE MONEY! IT IS FOR THE JOKER!" SAID JOKER GANG MEMBER 1. THE OTHER JOKER GANG MEMBER, HIS NAME WAS JOKER GANG MEMBER 2 WAS ALSO IRATE.

":( I AM IRATE, GIVE US THE MONEY OR THE JOKE…IT SHALL BE ON YOU!" HE PUTS THE GUN IN THE SHOP KEEPERS MOUTH, HIS SCREAMS MUFFLED BY A GUN IN HIS MOUTH.

"MHFAFF!" SAID THE SHOPKEEPER! IN WHICH THE JOKER GANG MEMBER 2 RESPONDED TO BY PUNCHING HIM IN THE GUT.

"SHADDAP SHIT FACE!" AND THEN THE SHOP KEEPER SHUT UP.

SUDDENLY, A CRASH FROM THE SKYLIGHT (THIS SHOP HAPPENS TO HAVE A SKYLIGHT)

THE SHARDS OF GLASS FELL DOWN GENTLY LIKE SNOW AS THE SHADOWY APPERITION APPEARED. THE SHADOWY APPERITION THAT IS THE GODDAMN BATMAN.

BATMAN LOOKED UP AT THE FELONS. HE SMIRKED WRYLY AND DASHED HEAD LONG AT THEM, HE WAS PREPARING TO WRECK THEIR SHIT.

"OH MY GOD, IT'S BATMAN!" SAID JOKER GANG MEMBER 1. HE BEGAN TO FIRE BUT DID NOT HIT AS IS THE NORM WHEN FIRING BULLETS AT BATMAN. THE BULLETS MERELY GRAZED HIS CAPE. JOKER GANG MEMBER 2 REMAINED FROZEN WITH THE GUN STILL HANGING OUT OF THE SHOP KEEPER'S MOUTH. HE WOULD SOIL HIMSELF BUT DUE TO THE SHOCK OF SEEING BATMAN, HE HAD FORGOTTEN HOW TO PEE. HE CONTEMPLATED CRYING FOR HOURS ON END HOPING THAT BATMAN WOULDN'T SHOVE HIS HAND UP THE GANG MEMBERS' ASS BUT HE KNEW THAT BATMAN HAD NO SOUL AND ATE CHILDREN FOR SUSTENANCE, TO REGAIN HIS COMPOSURE. THIS…HE KNEW.

MEANWHILE…IN THE SAME VARIETY STORE

GANG MEMBER 1 WAS OUT OF BULLETS, BATMAN DELIVERED A FIERCE ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE GANG MEMBERS JAW CAUSING HIM TO SPIN IN MID AIR BRIEFLY IN WHICH BATMAN JUMPED UP AND GRABBED HIM BY THE HEAD, THEN HE GUILLOTINE THREW HIM INTO THE ADJACENT WALL. THE GANG MEMBER WAS NOT DEAD BECAUSE BATMAN SHALL NOT KILL HOWEVER HE WAS REALLY HURT AND BEGGED FOR DEATH.

SUDDENLY, GANG MEMBER 2 REMEMBERED HOW TO PEE…

BUT IT WAS TOO LATE…

BATMAN SMASHED HIS HEAD THROUGH THE COUNTER AND THEN HUCKED HIM INTO THE AIR. HE REMAINED IN A SUSPENDED HANG TIME LONG ENOUGH FOR BATMAN TO DISASSEMBLE THE PISTOL HE HAD BEEN BRANDISHING AND THROW IT INTO THE GARBAGE. BATMAN GRABBED HIS LEG AND PULLED HIM DOWN, FORCING HIM INTO THE GROUND.

THE SHOPKEEPER SMILED AND SAID "GOD BLESS YOU, THE BATMAN. GOD BLESS YOU." BATMAN SOLEMNLY NODDED AND RAN OFF INTO THE DARKNEST. BATMAN KNEW THAT IT WAS GOING TO BE A LONG KNIGHT.

PROLOGUE: BUT THE CAT CAME BACK

BATMAN WAS LEAPING FROM ROOF TO ROOF, HE HAD A PENCHANT FOR SUCH THINGS AND AS HE CONTINUED TO HOP HE WAS KICKED IN THE FACE, THE BATMAN WOULD FALL AND THEN HE FELL BUT THANKS TO HIS TRUSTY UTILITY BELT, HE SWUNG USING HIS BAT-GRAPPLE.

HE SWUNG BACK ONTO THE ROOF AND STARED DOWN HIS AGGRESSOR.

SHE WAS A SLENDER BUT TONED WOMAN WHO WORE A FULL BODY CAT SUIT. IT WAS A FULL VIOLET AND LOOKED REALLY HOT. HER TITS WERE MAGNIFICENT AS IF THE NIPPLES WERE CRAFTED BY LEONARDO DI VINCI; THEY WERE ERECT AND POINTED OFF INTO DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS. SHE LOOKED LIKE MICHELLE PFIEFFER AND NOTHING LIKE HALLE BERRY. HER RIGHT HIP WAS KIRKED BECAUSE SHE WAS FROM THE 90'S AND ALL VOLUPTIOUS WOMEN DID THAT.

BATMAN WAS FAR TOO IN AWE AS HE GAZED AT THE FLUCTIATING PROPORTIONS OF THIS VENUS IN A CAT SUIT. IF ONLY BATMEN COULD LOVE, HE THOUGHT TO HIMSELF. "WHO ARE YOU?" HE SAID AND SHE SCOFFED AND THEN SAID "I AM A CATWOMAN. I HAVE 9 LIVES." BATMAN LOOKED SHOCKED "CATWOMEN IN MY CITY? **INCONCIEVABLE!" **AS HE CLENCHED HIS FIST AND READIED HIMSELF FOR THE FIGHT OF HIS LIFE. HOW, OH HOW WOULD A BATMAN DEFEAT SUCH AN ADVERSARY. SHE SMILED "YOU MUST BE THE BATMAN" SHE SAID. HOW DID SHE **KNOW**! THOUGHT OUR CAPED KNIGHT. HE NEED NOT BE BOTHERED BY HIS REGULAR IDENTITY BEING REVEALED AND ATTEMPETED TO PUNCH HER. SHE FLIPPED OVER THE BATMAN AND THEN WRAPPED HER LEGS AROUND HIS NECK. SHE THEN FRANKENSTEINERED HIM, HIS HEAD CRUSHED INTO THE ROOF OF A LOFTY SKYSCRAPER.

BATMAN WAS IN A DAZE, HIS VISION WAS VERY BLURRY AND HE DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO AGAINST THIS CATWOMAN. BATMAN BEING THE RESOURCEFUL MAN THAT HE IS PULLED OUT HIS BAT-ANTI ROOF SPRAY, FREEING HIM FROM HIS CONCRETE PRISON.

HE PULLED HIS HEAD OUT, A GAPING HEAD WOUND WAS REVEALED. "ZOUNDS! MY HEAD HURTS SO FUCKING MUCH" HE SAID AND THE CATWOMAN LET OUT A HEARTY CHUCKLE. "OH, THE BATMAN, I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT IT IS THIS EASY TO BEAT A BATMAN." SHE THEN KICKED HIM IN THE FACE AGAIN WHICH HURT OUR BATMAN.

BATMAN THOUGHT OF A PLAN. "OF COURSE, SHE KEEPS KICKING ME! IF I CAN NOT GET KICKED, SHE CAN'T KICK ME!" BATMAN GRABBED THE LONG SLENDER LEG OF THE CATWOMAN AND THEN BROKE IT. SHE LET OUT A YELP THAT COULD BE HEARD ALL THE WAY FROM CENTRAL CITY. GIVEN BILLY BATSON WAS BUSY BEING POOR, HE COULDN'T BE BOTHERED TO ACT. BATMAN PROCEEDED TO BREAK HER OTHER LEG BY STOMPING DIRECTLY ON HER KNEE CAUSING IT TO CAVE IN AND BREAK THE FRAGILE BONES WITHIN.

THE CATWOMAN FELL, BEATEN AND BATTERED. "OH JESUS, BATMAN…YOU ARE AS CUNNING AS THE JOKER AND ASSOCIATES SAY YOU ARE." BATMAN PUNCHED HER IN THE FACE "YOU SLUT! WHERE IS JOKER AND ASSOCIATES!" HER NOSE WAS BROKEN AND BLEEDING AND SHE SMILED "ONLY KILLER CROC KNOWS THAT AND HE LIVES IN A SEWER."

BATMAN SOLEMNLY NODDED, HE POINTED TO A BAG OF JEWELS THAT HAD FALLEN OUT OF A POUNCH ON CATWOMAN'S SUIT. "YOU BETTER RETURN THOSE PRECIOUS JEWELS WHEN YOUR LEGS ARE HEALED OR I WILL BREAK THEM YET AGAIN." SHE NODDED AND ASKED "BATMAN, I LOVE YOU…WILL YOU MARRY ME?" HE RESPONDED "I'M SORRY, BATMEN CANNOT LOVE. I WILL CALL THE HOSPITAL FOR YOU AND THEN THEY CAN HEAL YOUR BROKEN LEGS" SHE WAS HAPPY.

BATMAN PULLED OUT HIS BAT-iPHONE AND CALLED THE HOSPITAL "DEAR HOSPITAL, IT IS I, BATMAN. I HAVE A CAT LADY ON A ROOFTOP AND HER LEGS ARE BROKEN. SHE SAYS SHE HAS SEVERAL LIVES BUT I DO NOT BELIEVE HER. IF I WASN'T A BATMAN, I WOULD KILL HER AND BE DONE WITH SUCH FOOLISHNESS HOWEVER I AM A BATMAN. PLEASE PICK HER UP, SHE IS ON A BUILDING. THANK YOU." BATMAN HUNG UP AND TURNED TO HER "I DO NOT KNOW THE ADDRESS, THEY WILL EVENTUALLY FIND YOU." SHE CRAWLED OVER AND LICKED BATMAN'S BOOT "I AM NOT WORTHY" HE LOOKED DOWN AT HER "THAT'S RIGHT, YOU **AREN'T.**" AND THEN HE JUMPED OFF THE ROOF.

A LONELY CATWOMAN LEFT FOR DEAD, HER UNDYING LOVE SHALL BURN EVERMORE. BATMEN CANNOT LOVE, SO I HAVE READ…

END PROLOGUE

CHAPTER 1 THE BAYOU

BATMAN ENTERED THE SEWER; HE DID NOT CARE FOR THE SMELL THAT CAME WITH THE VENTURING INTO THE SEWER BUT BATMEN MADE SACRIFICES WHEN IT CAME TO…

JUSTICE

BATMAN CRAWLED THROUGH THE DANK UNDERBELLY OF THE SEWER AND FOUND A DESHEVELLED AND RAGGED MAN HUNCHED OVER WITH A SKIN CONDITION THAT WOULD BE CONSIDERED ABNORMAL BY LEPER STANDARDS. "MOTHER OF MERCY. ARE YOU A CROCIDILE?"

THE MAN GRINNED "NO, MERELY A MAN WHO DREAMS OF BEING A CROCADILE." HE STOOD UP TO REVEAL THAT HE WAS IN FACT REALLY TALL. "FUCK ME." SAID THE BATMAN

KILLER CROC GRINNED AND LAUGHED "DID THE CATWOMAN SEND YOU TO MY HUMBLE ABODE?" BATMAN SOLEMNLY NODDED "I BROKE HER LEGS. SHE CAN'T KICK ANYONE FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS" THE CROC WAS SURPRISED.

"HOW WILL SHE STEAL JEWELS NOW!" HE YELLED AND BATMAN SHRUGGED "SHE SHALL NOT." THE BATMAN SAID.

KILLER CROC YELLED SOME MORE AND BATMAN CONTINUED TO BE INDIFFERENT TO THE SITUATION ENTIRELY. "DO YOU KNOW WHERE JOKER AND ASSOCIATES ARE?" AND THE CROC YELLED "YOU SHALL FIGHT ME AND THEN I WILL REVEAL THEIR WHEREABOUTS AFTER YOU ATTAIN VICTORY WHICH I SINCERELY DOUBT YOU WILL!" BATMAN THEN STABBED HIM WITH A BATARANG, THIS HURT THE CROC MAN.

"FUCK MAN, RIGHT IN THE NIPPLE!" AS KILLER CROC HELD HIS NIPPLE WHICH BLED A SUSPICIOUS AND ODD CRUDE. IT BUBBLED OUT AND THEN THE BATMAN PUNCHED THE BATARANG FURTHER INTO THE KILLER CROC. "JESUS MAN!" SAID CROC AND BATMAN THEN SMILED. BATMAN SWEPT KICKED HIM LIKE IN A FIGHTING GAME, HE FELL BUT UKEMIED LIKE IN A FIGHTING GAME. KILLER CROC RAN AT HIM LIKE IN ARKHAM ASYLUM BUT HIT INTO A WALL LIKE IN ARKHAM ASYLUM. CROC WAS DAZED THEN BATMAN JUDO THREW HIM.

THE CROC LAY ON THE GROUND, FATIGUED BY THIS BATTLE AGAINST HIS WORTHY AND POWERFUL FOE. BATMAN HAD SOMETHING OF CONTEMPT FOR CROC GIVEN HE BEAT HIM DOWN SOMEWHAT EASILY EVEN FOR BATMAN. "WHERE IS JOKER!" AND THE CROC SAID "HE'S IN A WAREHOUSE, IT'S OLD AND ABANDONED!" "THAT COULD BE ANY WHERE!" SNAPPED BATMAN "DID I MENTION IT DOUBLES AS A CARNIVAL?" SAID CROC "THAT COULD BE ANYWHERE!" SNAPPED BATMAN. CROC NODDED "FINE, IT'S ON 34TH AVE." BATMAN SOLEMNLY NODDED AND LEAPT UPWARD CLIMBING OUT OF THE SEWER ONLY TO FIND COMISSIONER GORDON BEING MOUSTACHED.

BATMAN SMILED "COMISSIONER GORDON, I'M OFF TO FIGHT THE JOKER, CARE TO JOIN ME?" JIM LOOKED DOWN AT BATMAN ASCENDING THE SEWER LADDER. HE LOOKED DEEPER AND DEEPER. BATMAN AND JIM WERE SILENT. "OK." SAID JIM AND HE RIPPED HIS OVERCOAT AND SHIRT OFF SHOWING HIS BEEFY PHYSIQUE. JIM GORDON'S BICEPS WERE THE SIZE OF DAMIAN WAYNE AND HIS CHEST WERE ABOUT AS WIDE AS FAT CASSANDRA CAIN'S ASS. WHERE DID HE HIDE ALL THAT MUSCLE? HIS BACK HAD A TATTOO THAT SAYS "TORPEDO" AND HIS LEFT PEC HAS A PICTURE OF ALL-STAR BATGIRL SWEARING PROFUSELY.

JIM SMILED BUT YOU CANNOT TELL DUE TO THE BUSHY MOUSTACHE "LET'S KICK SOME CLOWN!" THE RAN TOWARDS THE SCREEN (EVEN THOUGH THIS IS A FANFIC AND NOT A MOVIE) AND AN EXPLOSION IN THE BACKGROUND APPEARED.

PAYMENT IS PAYBACK, BATMAN AND A COMISSIONER OF THE REAL LAW SHALL FACE AN UNSTOPPABLE FOE. HE SHALL BREAK BATMEN.

P.S. IT'S BANE

P.P.S. POISON IVY IS THERE TOO :3

END CHAPTER 1

AND NOW A BRIEF MESSAGE ABOUT BATWOMAN.

SHE IS A LESBIAN AND I WISH I WAS A WOMAN SO SHE COULD BE MY WAIFU.

CHAPTER 2: VENOMOUS

BATMAN AND HIS COMISSIONER GORDON, HIS FELLOW SOLDIER IN THE UNFORGIVABLE WAR AGAINST CRIME TRAVELLED THROUGH THE UNDERBELLY OF GOTHAM CITY TO THE HELLHOLE THAT IS 34TH AVENUE'S DELCO WAREHOUSE NO. 44011ZZ. BATMAN AND COMISSIONER GORDON HUDDLED TOGETHER AND PREPARED TO STORM THE JOKER'S STRONGHOLD. "OK JIM, NOW WE KNOW THAT THE JOKER HAS **GOONS** AND WE ALSO KNOW THAT PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE WEAK TO BULLETS." JIM NODDED IN AGREEMENT "HOWEVER BATMEN ARE INVULNERABLE TO BULLETS, THIS GIVES US A BIG **ADVANTAGE**!" JIM AND BATMAN HIGH FIVE

"SO YOU'LL THEIR FIRE AND THEN I'LL DDT THE JOKER, KILLING HIM." JIM SAID "NO! WE CANNOT KILL PEOPLE WITH WRESTLING MOVES, NOT TONIGHT! WE MUST DETAIN THE JOKER WITHOUT ENDANGERING HIS LIFE, WE ARE NOT KILLERS…IF WE WERE KILLERS THEN WE WOULD BE NAMED THE JOKER." BATMAN SAID

JIM LOOKED DOWN, SORT OF SHOCKED THAT HE WOULD EVEN THINK THAT WAY. HE HAD ASSIMILATED THE CORRUPT THOUGHTS OF THE GOTHAM POLICE DEPARTMENT WITHOUT REALIZING IT. HE THOUGHT ABOUT KILLING WITH IMPUNITY AND RECEIVING KICKBACKS AND FREE CONTRABAND. THIS WASN'T THE THOUGHT PROCESS OF THE MAN WHO ONCE FOUGHT THE MOB, THIS WAS SOMETHING DIFFERENT. GORDON QUESTIONED HIMSELF AS AN ENVOY OF JUSTICE. GORDON…QUESTIONED JUSTICE ITSELF.

BATMAN PUT HIS HAND ON GORDON'S SHOULDER "I UNDERSTAND JIM, I TOO HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DDT THE JOKER BUT MY CODE WILL NOT ALLOW ME. THAT WILL PUT ME ON THE SAME LEVEL AS THE CRIMINALS AND GIVEN I'M AS INSANE AND WITHOUT COMPASION AS MOST CRIMINALS, IT'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN CRIME AND BATMANING." SAID THE PROFOUND BATMAN

JIM DIDN'T KNOW THAT IT WAS IN FACT BRUCE WAYNE BEHIND THE COWL, A MAN WHO HAD LOST HIS PARENTS TO THE COLD SICKLY SPECTRE THAT IS CRIME. HIS MOTHER AND FATHER WERE GUNNED DOWN FOR SOME PEARLS AND TO RUIN A YOUNG BOY'S LIFE. WHY DIDN'T HE KILL ME! BATMAN OFTEN THOUGHT, WHAT KIND OF **SCUM** WOULD LET ME, A GODDAMN BATMAN LIVE? OH JEEZ, I'M THINKING LIKE BRIAN AZZERELO'S BROKEN CITY NOW, I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. BATMAN SNAPPED OUT OF HIS CIRCULAR LOGIC AND NODDED TO JIM. BATMAN SCALLED THE BUILDING AND CRASHED THROUGH YET ANOTHER SKY LIGHT. HE CORKSCREWED ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE BUILDING, ENVELOPED BY HIS BLACK CAPE BUT NO GUNS WERE FIRED. THE BATMAN WAS CONFUSED.

HE LANDED AND STOOD UP, ENGULFED BY DARKNESS LIKE ALWAYS. JIM GORDON SHOULDER CHECKED THE DOORS AND RAN INTO THE WAREHOUSE. "BATMAN! WHERE ARE THE **GOONS**!" YELLED JIM BUT IT WAS TOO LATE, JIM WAS IN BANE'S DEADLY BEAR HUG. "GOD DAMN IT BATMAN, I'M IN A BEAR HUG! IT WAS A TRAP SET BY THE JOKER! HE KNEW CROC WOULD CRACK!" THE LIGHTS CAME ON REVEALING POISON IVY SITTING ON A CHAIR MADE OF VINES AND USING A TREE STUMP AS A FOOT STOOL. "WELL WELL WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE CAPED CRUSADER." BATMAN YELLED "I'M A DARK KNIGHT NOW! REMEMBER IT!" SHE LAUGHED SHARPLY "WELL DARK KNIGHT, ARE YOU HERE TO SERVE YOUR QUEEN? THE QUEEN OF NATURE ITSELF!" AND BATMAN SHOOK HIS HEAD. "NO, CERTAINLY NOT. I AM HERE TO FIND JOKER AND ASSOCIATES. CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE IVY? I WILL SEND YOU A FERN VIA EXPRESS DELIVERY IF YOU COMPLY." THE OFFER OF A FREE FERN WAS TEMPTING BUT POISON IVY PASSED. "I CAN GET MY OWN FERNS! NOW THE BATMAN, YOU SHALL FEEL THE WRATH OF MOTHER NATURE!" A TREE EXPLODED OUT OF THE GROUND AND BATMAN WAS SHOCKED "A TREE, OUT OF THE GROUND!" AND THE TREE USED IT'S LIMBS TO GRAB HIM. POISON IVY GRINNED SMUGLY AND THWN DELIVERED AN AXE KICK TO THE TOP OF THE BATMAN'S HEAD RIGHT IN THE SAME PLACE WHERE HE WAS FRANKENSTEINERED. BATMAN YELLED IN AGONY "FUCK YOU POISON IVY, THAT HURTS!" AND POISON IVY SNICKERED.

JIM GORDON WAS IN A SITUATION OF HIS OWN, BANE WAS CRUSHING HIS BONES. "FIRST I BREAK THE MOUSTACHE MAN AND THEN I SHALL BREAK THE BAT." JIM SMIRKED "WHY ARE YOU SMIRKING, MOUSTACHE MAN?" HE BEGAN TO LAUGH AND THEN BANE BECAME ANGRY WITH HIM, AS ANGRY AS A RED LANTERN WHO HAS WINDOWS VISTA. "BANE IS FURIOUS AND STOP MOCKING BANE!" JIM CURLED HIS LIPS AND SAID "THE BRUHA." AND BANE LET GO, HE BEGAN TO YELL AND CRY LIKE A BABY YELLING "BRUHA,BRUHA,BRUHA,BRUHA,BRUHA!" RUNNING AROUND HITTING WALLS. JIM PROCEEDED TO DELIVER A FLURRY OF MACHINE GUN BLOWS TO BANE PUNCHING ALL OF THE VENOM OUT OF HIS PORES. BANE SLUMPED OVER AND WAS A SKINNY MAN NOW. BANE WEAKLY SAID "HOW DID YOU KNOW?" AND JIM SAID "I DIDN'T" THEN SOCCER KICKED BANE THROUGH THE SIDING OF THE WAREHOUSE.

POISON IVY PUNCHED BATMAN RIGHT IN THE BALLS AND EVEN BATMEN CANNOT HANDLE BALL BLOWS. BATMAN SCREAMED. "WHAT'S THE MATTER, BATMAN? CAN'T BREAK FREE USING ONE OF YOUR DEUS EX MACHINA GADGETS?" BUT ALAS BATMAN FORGOT HIS ANTI-POSION IVY'S BULLSHIT SPRAY. BATMAN INSTEAD THOUGHT OF A DIFFERENT SCHEME. HE SWUNG HIS LEGS BACK AND FORTH TO FORCE ONE OF THE BATERANGS OUT OF HIS BELT AND THEN WIGGLED HIS HIPS TO PROPEL IT FORWARD, THE BATERANG WENT RIGHT INTO POISON IVY'S LEFT EYE. AS SHE SCREAMED AND SWORE A RED STREAK SHE LOST CONTOL OF HER PLANTS FOR A BRIEF PERIOD GIVING BATMAN AN OPPORTUNITY TO STRIKE. HE PULLED BOTH OF HER LEGS UP FROM UNDERNEATH HER CAUSING HER TO FALL ON HER BACK. BATMAN THEN PROCEDED TO STOMP HER FACE CONTINUOUSLY. AFTER ABOUT 20 STOMPS, HE STOPPED AND ASKED IVY WHERE THE JOKER WAS, SHE WAS UNCONCIOUS SO BATMAN PULLED OUT HIS BAT-TAZER AND SHOCKED HER BACK TO CONCIOUSNESS. "IVY! WHERE IS THE GODDAMN JOKER! I AM THE GODDAMN BATMAN AND I WANT TO KNOW SO I CAN STOP HIM!"

IVY LAUGHED, "YOU *COUGH* ARE A FOOL, THE BATMAN…" SHE POINTED UPWARD "THE JOKER'S DOMINION IS THE SKY NOW. HE AND HARLEY QUINN ARE IN A ZEPPLIN SHAPED LIKE A CLOWN FLYING OVER GOTHAM, I'M SHOCKED YOU DIDN'T NOTICE IT BEFORE *COUGH* IT'S COMPLETELY VISIBLE." AND BATMAN WAS SAD THAT HIS DETECTIVE SKILLS COULDN'T HELP HIM THAT TIME. DAMN IT, I AM A BATMAN AND BATMEN ARE NATURAL BORN DETECTIVES! BATMAN PICKED HER UP AND THREW HER INTO HER VINE CHAIR BACK FIRST. "YOU'RE JUST A WEED THAT MUST BE ROOTED." SAID BATMAN IVY'S EYES WATERED UP AND SHE BEGAN TO CRY

JIM CRACKED HIS NECK, "OK, BATS…WHERE TO?" AND BATMAN SAID "UP."

SKY HIGH, A FINAL SHOWDOWN IS AT IT'S APEX…BATMAN AND JIM GORDON MUST ENLIST THE HELP OF THE BATPLANE TO STOP THE JOKER AND ASSOCIATES BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE THRILLING CONCLUSION!

END CHAPTER 2

FINAL CHAPTER: THE JOKES ON YOU

BATMAN AND JIM GORDON WENT TO THE BATCAVE, JIM HAD TO WAIT OUTSIDE SO HE DID NOT KNOW WHERE THE BATCAVE WAS. EVEN JIM COULD NOT BE TRUSTED. BATMAN RAN IN AND SAW ALFRED, DICK AND STEPHANIE. (INB4 FUCKING WITH CURRENT COMIC EVENTS) ORACLE WAS THERE AND HER SPINE WAS STILL DESTROYED THANKS TO A JOKER, THE JOKER…

"BATMAN, WHAT DO YOU NEED?" SAID ORACLE AND THEN BATMAN YELLED AT HER "DON'T INTERRUPT MY THOUGHT PROCESS YOU WHORE!" AND TRHEW HER OUT OF HER WHEELCHAIR. "SORRY BRUCE…" AND THEN BATMAN STARED AT HER "THE FUCK DID YOU CALL ME?" BATMAN YELLED "IF YOUR DAD WASN'T OUT THERE I WOULD SLAP YOUR SHIT!" AND ORACLE WAS SORRY

STEPHANIE WAS ALL LIKE "CAN I COME, I AM THE CURRENT ROBIN IN THIS COMIC AND NOT BATGIRL IN THIS COMIC." AND BATMAN SAID NO THEN DICK GRAYSON AKA NIGHTWING BECAUSE THIS IS BEFORE BATMAN R.I.P SAID "CAN I COME? I AM A NIGHT WING AND ALMOST AS GOOD AS A BATMAN…ALMOST." BATMAN WAS FRUSTRATED AND YELLED "NO! I JUST NEED THE BATPLANE! IT'S GONNA BE JIM AND MYSELF, NO BAT FAMILY!" AND THEN HE HOPPED INTO THE BATPLANE AND FLEW OUT. STEPHANIE PICKED UP THE BATTERED ORACLE AND PUT HER BACK INTO HER WHEELCHAIR. "I CAN SEE ALL AND I STILL DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING" SAID ORACLE AND THEN STEPH GRINNED "I GUESS YOU…WALKED RIGHT INTO THAT ONE!"

THE READER WAS OFFENDED.

MEANWHILE BATMAN FLEW OUT OF THE CAVE AND PICKED JIM UP AS THEY HEADED TOWARDS JOKER'S ZEPPLIN. BATMAN'S EYES BECAME SLITS AND HE WAS ANGRY, HE LET THE TOP DOWN AND YELLED "THE JOKER! THE JOKER! THE JOKER!" AND YELLED LOUDER THE CLOSER HE GOT. JIM COVERED HIS EARS BECAUSE BATMAN WAS BEING TOO LOUD.

THE PLANE CRASHED INTO THE ZEPPLIN AS BATS AND JIM JUMPED ONTO IT. A BUNCH OF GUNS WERE POINTED AT THE TWO. "SO NICE OF YOU TO JOIN US, THE BATMAN AND COMISSIONER." A LANKY MAN IN A PURPLE SUIT SAID, HE TURNED AROUND TO REVEAL WHO HE REALLY WAS…. "SWEET JESUS, WHERE'S THE JOKER ALL READY!"

MR ZSASZ LAUGHED AND LAUGHED AND THEN HIS VOICE SWITCHED TO MARK HAMMIL "WHAT'S WRONG BATS, BAT GOT YOU'RE TONGUE!" BATMAN WAS SHOCKED. "YOU'RE THE JOKER…YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEEN…"

SMILED "THAT'S RIGHT BATMAN, I AM ALSO RA'S AL GHUL ON WEEKENDS. I'VE BEEN EVERY PROMINENT VILLAIN IN YOUR LIFE FOR YEARS. BECAUSE…"

BEGAN TO MORPH AND BUBBLE AND BECAME…

"CLAYFACE!"

BATMAN WAS AMAZED "I AM SHOCKED…THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE…I'VE KNOWN JOKER FOR LONGER THAN CLAYFACE, CLAYFACE WASN'T CREATED YET." "ON THE CONTRARY, I HAVE ALWAYS EXISTED LONGER THAN ALL OF THE OTHER ROGUES BUT I DISGUISED MY FREAKISH FORM TO TAKE ON THE FORM OF OTHER VILLAINS OF MY CONCEPTION. ONCE, I WAS A MAN…NOW I AM NOT BUT I CAN DO MORE AS THE JOKE (NOT LITERALLY BUT FIGURATIVELY) THAN I COULD EVER DO AS CLAYFACE. CLAYFACE IS WEAK TO FREEZING AND THE SUN AND LOTS OF THINGS BUT YOU DIDN'T KNOW MY WEAKNESSES WHEN I TOOK DIFFERENT FORMS." CLAYFACE LAUGHED LOUDLY "YOU'VE BEEN CHASING ONE MAN FOR ALL OF THESE YEARS AND IN FACT YOU'VE BEATEN HIM BUT YOU THOUGHT YOUR WAR ON CRIME WOULD NEVER END WHEN IN FACT IT ENDED YEARS AGO. I AM TWO-FACE. I AM BLACK MASK. I AM SCARFACE AND THE VENTRILOQUIST. I AM **CRIME**" THEN SUDDENLY CLAYFACE WAS FROZEN AND SHATTERED "BUT YOU AIN'T ME !" AND THEN HARLEY QUINN APPEARED "HEYA B-MAN AND MOUSTACHIO. WHAT'S SHAKIN!" THE GUNS WERE STILL TRAINED ON BATMAN AND JIM. HARLEY LEANED ON THE HAMMER "WITH THE HELP OF MY PIKO PIKO HAMMER, I SHOWED THAT SLOB WHO'S REALLY THE BOSS AROUND HERE." BATMAN LEANED FORWARD "BUT QUINN, CRIME NEVER PAYS." HARLEY SLINKED OVER TO BATMAN "GEE, I DON'T CARE." SHE THEN DEEPTHROATED BATMAN AND BIT OFF HIS TONGUE!

BATMAN WAS DYING! HIS TONGUE, BITTEN OFF BY A PSYCHOTIC CLOWN GIRL WHO HAD BEEN FOLLOWING A FRAUD JOKER WHO WAS REALLY CLAYFACE. "THE BATMAN!" YELLED JIM AND HE BEGAN TO BEAT DOWN PEOPLE LEFT AND RIGHT. HARLEY SKIPPED OFF " NEXT STOP, METROPOLIS…I'VE GOT SOME BIG PLANS THERE B-MAN. YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO STOP ME! I'M THE JOKER NOW! LA PRESIDENTA! QUEEN OF THE CASTLE! I…I AM **CRIME**!

BATMAN REACHED INTO HIS UTILITY BELT BEFORE HE BLED OUT TO FIND HIS TONGUE RESTORATION SPRAY, HE SPRAYED SOME IN HIS MOUTH RESTORING HIS TONGUE TO ITS FORMER GLORY. "QUINN!" AND HARLEY CACKLED "DO YOU THINK IT'S THAT EASY! THINK AGAIN! WE'RE GONNA COLLIDE WITH THAT CENTRE. WHEN WE DO IT'LL BE BOOM! HINDENBURG BABY!" SHE WAS STEERING THE SHIP DIRECTLY INTO THE GOTHAM CONVENTION CENTER HOME OF THE WORLD'S LARGEST ABANDONED WAREHOUSE OWNERS EXPO: WARECON! THOUSANDS WOULD DIE! BATMAN NEEDED TO STOP HER, HE MAY EVEN HAVE TO…KILL HER.

BATMAN HOPPED OVER ALL OF THE GOONS THAT JIM WAS DEALING WITH TO TAKE QUINN DOWN ONCE AND FOR ALL. "HOLD IT DR. QUINZEL, MEDICINE WOMAN!" HARLEY LOOKED OVER "OH, YOU MADE A FUNNY, HOW ABOUT THAT." SHE PULLED OUT A BIG ASS SHOTGUN AND FIRED IT AT BATMAN, BATMAN WEAVED AND DISASSEMBLED THE GUN. HE THREW A VOLLEY OF BATARANGS BUT SHE BACKFLIPPED AND AVOIDED THEM ALL. SHE SLID DOWN THE LADDER AND GRABBED A PARACHUTE "BON VOYAGE, BATS! IT'S EITHER ME OR THE CONVENTION CENTRE! YOU CHOOSE!" SHE JUMPED OUT OF THE ZEPPLIN AND OPENED HER CHUTE, DECENDING SAFELY. BATMAN HAD TO GUIDE THE ZEPPLIN OUT OF THE WAY OF THE CONVENTION CENTRE.

JIM PUNCHED 10 MOOKS OUT WITH A SINGLE HOOK, HE TOMOE NAGE'D A GOON INTO THE WALL BEHIND HIM MOST LIEKLY CRIPPLING HIM FOR ETERNITY. THE FINAL MOOK SHOT HIMSELF TO AVOID BEING TORN APART BY THIS MAN WITH THE EYES OF A SHARK.

JIM RAN OVER TO BATMAN AND TRIED TO HELP WITH THE CONTROLS. BATMAN GUIDED THE ZEPPLIN DIRECTLY INTO THE WATER. HE AND JIM BAILED OUT IMMEDIATELY. THE ZEPPLIN CRASHED AND BURST INTO FLAMES BUT JIM AND BATMAN SAILED OFF USING THE BAT HANG GLIDER. THE POLICE ARRIVED AS BATMAN AND JIM DECENDED.

"WELL, OPEN AND SHUT CASE EVERYONE…BATMAN IS THE JOKER!" SAID HARVEY BULLOCK. "ARE YOU DENSE? RETARDED OR SOMETHING? HE'S THE GODDAMN BATMAN! CLAYFACE IS THE JOKER!" YELLED GORDON AND THE COPS LAUGHED AT THE NOTION "COMMISSIONER, THE JOKER IS A CLOWN…CLAYFACE DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE A CLOWN!" JIM FACEPALMED AND BATMAN GAVE HIM A PAT ON THE BACK, RIGHT ON HIS "TORPEDO" TATTOO. "NOW JIM, THESE PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND THE THINGS THAT YOU AND I DO…WE'RE A DIFFERENT BREED. BUT NOW, HARLEY QUINN IS OUT THERE AND IS GUNNING FOR METROPOLIS. NORMALLY I'D SAY LET SUPERMAN HANDLE IT BUT THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL." JIM SHOOK BATMAN'S HAND "PERHAPS, I DON'T BELONG WITH THE POLICE. PERHAPS, I TOO AM A BAT." BATMAN CALLED FOR THE BATMOBILE AND IT CAME. THE DROVE OFF TOGETHER TO THE BATCAVE WHERE JIM GORDON WAS SHOWN THE ROPES. AFTER MONTHS OPF TRAINING, HE WOULD BE READY TO DON IS VERY OWN COWL…HE WOULD BECOME BATCOP.

BATMAN AND BATCOP WOULD GO INTO THE NIGHT AND FACE THE INJUSTICE OF THIS CITY AND FIND HARLEY QUINN.

THEY WOULD FIND HARLEY QUINN…

P.S. CATWOMAN'S LEGS STILL HURT.

THE END…?

AFTERWORD

HELLO EVERYONE, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED READING MY MAGNUM OPUS _BATMAN: DARKEST KNIGHT_. I'VE SENT THE SCRIPT TO THE GOOD FOLKS AT DC COMICS AND HOPE TO GET A RESPONSE. IT WOULD BE AMAZING IF JIM LEE OF BATMAN:HUSH AND ALL-STAR B&R COULD DO THE INTERIOR ART OR MAYBE I COULD GET ALEX ROSS TO DO IT!

THAT'D BE ACES.

I'M AN ASPIRING COMIC BOOK WRITER. MY FAVORITE COMIC WRITERS ARE JEPH LOEB AND CHUCK AUSTIN OF X-MEN FAME (SO SAD HE DOESN'T WRITE ANYMORE ) AND MY FAVORITE ARTISTS ARE JIM LEE AND I REALLY THINK THAT ROB LEIFELD CAN DO SOME GREAT STUFF LIKE HIS WORK ON DEADPOOL CURRENTLY. NOW, I'M NEW WITH WRITING BATMAN AND STUFF BUT I HAD A BLAST WRITING THIS STORY…I PUT TONS OF WORK INTO IT! I REALLY HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED IT.

SINCERLY,

Pseudonym Incognito Jr.


End file.
